i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
