it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
