i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
