Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
