hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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