i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
