Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
