We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
