Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
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