obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Randomize
