I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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