Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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