Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
