dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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