So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
