Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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