I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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