meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
