Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
