this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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