i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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