When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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