"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
