im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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