The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
