Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Since when is my name a synonym for head?

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(513): View more from Ohio

Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

My vagina supports interfraternal relations

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(847): View more from Illinois

I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.

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(+61): View more from Australia

It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby

(1+61): View more from

Yah. Thai people are way too trusting

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(519): View more from Ontario

He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.

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(815): View more from Illinois

You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes

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(303): View more from Colorado

I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"

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