Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
