you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's shark week go big or go home
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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