I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize