so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
