well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize