like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
