the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
