he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
