You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
