What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
