She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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