the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I didn't notice because vodka
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize