I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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