I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
