she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
