We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
