you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
