Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
