I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
