I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Randomize
