But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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