I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
