Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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