My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
dude. I can hear the air.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize