That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
