I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He? As in you personified your dick?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
