he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
