eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
