Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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