i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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