I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize