Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
