Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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