I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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