Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
