going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
