So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
