There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
