Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
