You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
