Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
