Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize