if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
