I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
