I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
