Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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