if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
