maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
