i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
