I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
