Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
