Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
