Where is the hickey?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
