Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
They took my balls.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
