you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Quick, to the slutcave!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
