theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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