She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
