I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
