The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
